Monday, August 13, 2007

Thieves BEWARE


I'm on a personal mission to catch thieves. I hate thieves. Why is it that there is a small subset of our population who thinks it's ok to take what's not theirs? While I feel all sorts of thieving is abominable, taking from a private citizen (versus a store) is hitting below the belt.

Like many causes that unfortunately stem from personal experience, my new found mission comes from a personal thieving experience. On Sunday night someone with OCD broke into our car while it was parked in our carport. This mentally ill person took everything out of its plug or container and laid it all neatly onto the front seat. While we were in Virginia someone broke into our car and messed it all up but couldn't find anything good. Now that we USED to own something good, this thief did find something. Luckily no damage was done to our car.

Today I participated in an MRI research study at UCSD. One of our friends is a neurologist that works there and I got paid not enough money to buy a new iPod. While my brain was being scanned for traces of genius (which I'm confident will be found), I kept thinking of what I would do if this inhuman thief ever returned to the scene of the crime and I caught him.

I pictured him sitting in our car, neatly organizing everything before he decided what he wanted to take. Meanwhile, I have just approached the car and .... Scenario one: I daringly opening the door and pull his hair and poke his eyes out while my free hand calls Corbin to come down and inflict more damage to this lost soul. Scenario two: I stand in front of the car locking the door with my remote while he tries to unlock it from within to run away, while I again call Corbin to come to my rescue.

Somehow I feel more empowered when I plan how I will prevent anyone else from defiling my poor little car. I don't have much of a sense of humor about this right now, but perhaps our loyal blogger friends will propose ways they dream of defeating those mentally ill, social rejects, that like to take what is not theirs.

5 Helens agree.

Henri said...

So now I feel obligated to post since I assume (loves it: "when you assume you make an ass out of you and me") I am the loyal blogger friend you mentioned. I need to get an MRI or whatever to find out why I get migraines but I think it's a tumor or brain cancer, at least that's what I say to get out of going to church, or I use the classic "I have polio today" excuse. I already know I'm a genius since I show the classic signs of one:
3. No one understands me when I speak
2. I have a big head (to house my large genius brain)
1. I wear glasses (glasses make you look smart)
I need to get a new stereo so I will use at least one of my ipods. I'm looking at the DVD touch screen ones, it's totally cool. I even got a nano with that arm strap when I thought about going to the gym; the key word is thought. When I was thinking about the gym I thought about getting sweaty and I decided that whole sweaty thing was not for me unless I'm getting tan.
I'm still waiting on an awesome review of the new Hanson album. The new insult word is faggot-ass although I'm not sure if you have gay friends that would be insulted by this, and I really don't care cause that's how I roll. The Hanson fans (or fansons as they call themselves) on the forums don't like me very much since they don't understand that half the time I'm being sarcastic.

Joe Black said...

wow...(get it)...youre a freak show. You would poke his eyes out!

Joe Black said...

ps this is joe, i forgot i was about to make a blogg space too but i never got past the point of making an identity to post from.

Bradley said...

To Henri: I wouldn't be so quick to assume that you are the 'loyal blogger friend'. In all actuality I am said friend though thus far my actions have always been covert, or SPB (silent but deadly) as I like to think of them.

The important question to consider when attempting to rp (role play) any possible counter-pilferage activity is: does Corbypoo still pack heat in the door of the car? If so, then both of the potential scenarios you suggested would be ill-advised. If, however, he does not any longer store a firearm in the port of your auto, then I would suggest that next time you go find said firearm and, as they say, 'bust a cap'. The only other reasonable option would be to take out your wand and 'sectumsempra' him/her.

Anonymous said...

i would give them a roundhouse kick to the face chuck norris style because i'm 100% gangsta.