Pack the kids into the miniature van and get ready to strap on your nacho feedbags. Alice and I splurged on a Costco membership. Coolest place ever. It's like joining a secret society with benefits including things like 'Buy one gallon of mayonnaise, get four free'!
The building is so big, we went through four different weather systems on our way to the deli. They have to set up relief stations every few miles to hand out sustenance and drink to prevent starvation and dehydration. Just like they do for illegal immigrants crossing the Arizona desert. Which is ironic, because I'm pretty sure I crossed at least one state border myself while looking for toilet paper.
They have such a wide selection, we even found DC's own crack smoking mayor for sale. He was mixed in with raspberries and blueberries in the frozen fruit section. (Look it up. He's a real berry.)
We bought about 200 pounds of canned and dried food for our food storage. So when California is cut adrift from the mainland, hopefully we'll be able to survive. As long as Costco comes along with us, we should be able to feed the entire state for at least a year.
Although it is extremely likely to happen, I am not afraid of getting lost in Costco. What better place could there be to be stranded? I'll simply slip into a pair of maternity pants, find a comfortable sofa in the furniture aisle, and settle into a 50 gallon drum of chocolate covered peanut butter balls while I wait for the rescuers or the apocalypse, whichever comes first. Isn't America great?
P.S. Snape...Snape...Severus Snape. (Thanks for getting that song stuck in my head, Brad) Check it out here.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Lost in Costco
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6 Helens agree.
Harry Potter!, Harry Potter!, ugh!, Harry Potter!, Harry Potter!, hey!
Ron, Ron, Ron Wesley!
I got that from Zack and then passed it on to Joe who sent a mass text to all his friends about it. Joe is a tool for the following reasons:
1. He plagiarizes everything I say
2. He sends mass text messages, way to spam my phone jerk!
3. Because I said so
Three very compelling reasons. I'm sure Judge Brown will rule in your favor.
Maybe I'll change his name to Joe Tool. But then again, Hero Joe has a nice ring to it. I think I'll stick with that.
Another reason Joe is a tool is because I signed up for Costco and put him on as the second cardholder and he has yet to go get his card. I love Costco hot dogs they are my favorite and best. I now understand that when the bank sent me checks it was for me to use at Costco.
I prefer to think of a Costco membership as a sort of foreign visa, or passport. Once you finally get accepted the dark side of shopping, as it were, you may be staying for a while. Face it. Do 2 people living independently really need a Costco membership? Some may argue that it is, in fact, cost efficient to buy a 30 lb bag of frozen chicken. However, one older couple who I won't mention does this on a regular basis, not knowing that there are already 4 of those bags in the house's third freezer. When a bag is therefore summoned from the frosty depths, it contains what many Eskimos call "Nogoodnomore" or freezer burn. In this unfortunate state, it then again becomes necessary to make a voyage back to Costco to buy yet another fresh bag. When placed with the "Nogoodnomore" bags, they simply remark, "This one is in fact, The Freshest Hell!"
I went to Costco today and they have Dunkeroos.. who doesn't love cookies dipped in frosting. FYI i got 2 big boxes. When the world ends I will be chillin eating Dunkeroos.
Go ahead. It's only 2¢.