People will pay you to be inhumane

Some people don't like going to the dentist. I don't mind it. I like the mild pain of the cleanings (kind of like good loose tooth pain) and being flossed by someone else. It makes me feel like royalty. Like I'm so rich that I can pay someone to chew my food and then floss my teeth when I am done. I guess I really am so rich that I can pay someone to floss my teeth. People in Africa don't have dental hygienists. Plus my dental hygienist is very gentle with the floss. Much more gentle than I am with my own gums, which is nice. I guess.

But I also had some sealants put on my wisdom teeth. I still have them which is why I'm so smart. But they are hard to clean and I apparently have deeply grooved wisdom teeth which has caused not cavities, but some staining. So the dentist did a little etching and a little sealing.

The whole process reminded me of the last time I had a cavity back in Virginia. We were living in southwest VA at the time and I think our dentist had a lot of back woods clients, considering the level of treatment I received. The experience gave me a good story anyway. Well, it's an alright story. But it's not very long, which is why I have to pad it with all this extra background and build up. On with it.

I went in for the scheduled fillings and the dentist informed me that they were just little surface cavities. He asked me if I wanted Novocaine. I had never been offered anything else so I asked what my options were. I was really hoping for some laughing gas, but apparently he didn't have a sense of humor. My options were Novocaine or nothing. Nothing!?! NOTHING?!?! Are you mental? You are going to drill into my teeth, right? With a drill! And you ask if I want NOTHING?!?!

So I said, 'Sure. I'll go with the Nothing.' I hate Novocaine. You have to go through the rest of the day with half your face Christopher Reeves-ized. And you look like Sloth from Goonies, even though your face magically changes back to normal every time you look in the mirror. No thank you. Besides, how bad could it really hurt?

Let's just say my new dentist was surprised by the reflex urination in my pants produced by the sound of his dental drill yesterday.

Actually, it turns out that it didn't really hurt that bad. But he did touch a nerve a time or two with his drill, so it wasn't all laughs. But I get to act like a tough guy and tell people that I got two cavities filled with no numbing. And I've got a terrible memory so it's practically like I never felt the pain at all.

Well, I've got to go stare at myself in the mirror for hours.