I am on jury duty. But I'm not allowed to talk (or blog) about the case. So I'll just tell you how I feel about jury duty in general.
First, the pay is great. Alice asked me how much I was getting paid and when I told her $15 she was ecstatic.
"$15 an hour! That's more than you make now!"
"No. $15 a day."
But even with the great pay, I'm honestly not in it for the money. I am totally in it for the glory.
I've seen a few episodes of Miami Ink and it seems to be popular to get important things or events in your life memorialized in a tattoo. For instance, if your days in the navy really made you who you are, you might get an anchor tattooed on your bicep. Or if you are an ice salesman you might get 'Mr. Cool Ice' tattooed on your chest, back and arms along with a skeleton doing a cute little pose to lighten things up. My point is, when something significant happens in your life, the first thing you should do is run out and get a tattoo before you have time to talk yourself out of it.
In that spirit, I inked (don't worry, Mom, it's just ball point pen) a rough draft of what I might get after this life changing jury duty. No, I did not start this while in the courtroom, even though I am sitting in the very back of the room where no one can really see me except the judge and she's always looking at her computer. No, I did not gum up my pen with my scraggly leg hairs and pasty skin oils and have to ask the bailiff for another one. No, I did not gum that one up as well and have to find yet another pen during a break. And no, I did not have to go into the bathroom to put the finishing touches on and get a good picture of this awesome artwork. None of those things happened.
Alice will tell you how she disapproves of drawing on one's legs in public, right up there with picking your nose. She just doesn't understand the significance of being an alternate juror. I'm sure a lot of people will not understand my 'art', but that's something all artists ahead of their time have to deal with. I am ready to proudly display to the entire world my commitment to being the best juror number 13 I can be. At least until I take a shower or the case is over, whichever comes first.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
mixed media - ink and pasty white skin
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5 Helens agree.
Lucky! I know many a rat who would give their eye teeth to be Juror 13. Of course most of them don't speak english and would probably think J-13 is one of the elite members of MS-13. In fact, if you find the trial to be taking too long, just find the closest hispanic, hike up your slacks, throw a couple gang signs and point at the prosecutor. You'll have him green-lighted and that little gang-banger will be shiftin gears on him before the defense can say "Objection!" The result: case adjourned and you can go home for the day to have dinner with your wife.
You might have some splainin to do if said hispanic questions your pasty white skin, but a few quotes from M.J. should have you right back in his good graces.
Remember, it's not jury duty, it's a way of life.
Juror 13, please tell me you weren't drawing on yourself in the courtroom...please....
I do not recall, Senator Weed. But if I had, it would have been during a sidebar (when the judge and attorneys leave to discuss something secret). But as I said, I do not recall.
i just happened to be looking at your blog at mom's house when she saw the picture of your tattoos. The first thing she said was, "I hope that's pen" Then I proceeded to read to her your line directed to her. hahahaha! That may be considered clairvoyant.
Word. Poor effer who's getting the guilty verdict because you didn't listen to the scant evidence in his favor... you were too busy gumming up pens. Justice in action. USA! USA! USA!
BTW, the jury was chosen again for OJ. All white.
USA! USA! USA!
Go ahead. It's only 2¢.